He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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