I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
