Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
