i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
