Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
