You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
