After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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