Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
