there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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