Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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