Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
