we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
