We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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