man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
