I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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