then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
