My hand turned me down
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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