I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
