I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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