you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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