On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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