I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
