worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
