im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
