Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
