Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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