wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
