it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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