DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
