I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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