They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
