Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
