Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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