I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
