becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
