forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
