awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
