You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
