So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
