the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
