Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
