She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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