Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
