If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize