How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
