tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize