I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
