Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so let's talk penis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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