I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum