I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.