i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
