My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though