community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
