If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
