Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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