Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
