I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
