i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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