Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
