Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
