I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
