A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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