sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh god it's open bar.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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