You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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