Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
id be glad to
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
