Midget sex pt 2 tonight
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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