I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
