He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
