I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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