Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
