i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
sarcasm needs its own font
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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