i think my tv is drunk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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