we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
