i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
jump out the window naked night went bad
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
