I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
