sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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