I just made out with a guy for $7.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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