omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
