last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
